First Discipleship Meeting: What to Expect and How to Prepare
That first discipleship meeting can feel like standing at the threshold of something significant—because it is. Whether you're the mentor nervously wondering if you're qualified enough, or the mentee hoping this relationship will actually help you grow, those initial jitters are completely normal.
The good news? A successful first discipleship meeting doesn't require perfection. It requires preparation, authenticity, and a shared commitment to grow together in Christ. This guide will walk you through exactly what to expect and how to prepare so you can start this journey with confidence.
Why the First Meeting Matters
Your first discipleship meeting sets the tone for everything that follows. It's where you move from the idea of discipleship to the reality of it—where two people agree to walk together intentionally toward spiritual maturity.
This meeting establishes trust, clarifies expectations, and creates the relational foundation that makes future conversations possible. When people skip or rush through this foundational meeting, they often struggle later with mismatched expectations, unclear rhythms, or superficial conversations.
Think of it as laying the cornerstone. Everything you build together will rest on what you establish here.
Before the Meeting: Preparation Checklist
For Mentors
Pray specifically for your disciple. Don't just add their name to your general prayer list. Ask God to give you wisdom, patience, and genuine love for this person. Pray that He would prepare their heart and give you insight into how to serve them well.
Reflect on your own journey. Be ready to share how you came to faith, what discipleship has meant in your life, and why you're willing to invest in someone else. Authenticity about your own struggles and growth creates safety for theirs.
Choose a curriculum or framework. Don't wing it. Even experienced mentors benefit from having a structured approach. Browse options that match your disciple's season of life—whether they're a brand new believer, struggling with specific issues, or ready to go deeper in theology.
Prepare discussion questions. Have 5-7 questions ready that help you understand their spiritual background, current struggles, and hopes for this relationship. You won't use all of them, but having them ready prevents awkward silences.
Scout the meeting location. If you're meeting at a coffee shop, arrive early enough to secure a quiet corner table. If it's your home, make sure it's reasonably clean and inviting. Environment matters more than you think.
For Mentees
Clarify your own expectations. What are you hoping to get from this relationship? Are you looking for answers to specific questions, accountability for habits you're trying to change, or simply someone to study the Bible with? Write these down.
Identify your current struggles. You don't need to bare your soul in the first meeting, but be ready to share honestly about where you're struggling spiritually. Vague answers like "I just want to grow" don't give your mentor much to work with.
Bring questions you're wrestling with. Maybe you're confused about prayer, struggling with doubt, or unsure how to read the Bible. These questions help your mentor understand where you need guidance most.
Be ready to talk about your schedule. Discipleship only works if you actually meet. Look at your calendar and be realistic about what time commitment you can sustain weekly or bi-weekly.
Come with a teachable spirit. The mentee who says "I'm here to learn" will grow faster than the one who needs to prove what they already know. Humility is the soil where discipleship flourishes.
What to Bring to Your First Meeting
Your Bible. Physical or digital, bring the translation you're most comfortable with. If you don't have one, say so—your mentor can likely help.
A notebook or journal. You'll want to capture insights, prayer requests, and action steps. Digital notes work too, though handwriting can aid retention.
Your calendar. Be ready to schedule your next several meetings. Vague commitments like "we should meet again soon" rarely lead to consistent rhythms.
An open heart. This sounds cheesy, but it's true. Come ready to be honest, vulnerable, and willing to be challenged. Defensiveness kills discipleship faster than almost anything.
The First 15 Minutes: Building Rapport
Start with the human stuff. Share about your week, your family, your work. Ask about hobbies, background, how they ended up in your city or church. Discipleship happens in relationship, and relationship requires knowing the person behind the spiritual questions.
This isn't wasted time—it's essential groundwork. You're building trust and demonstrating that this isn't a transaction but a relationship. Some of the most important discipleship happens in these "off topic" moments when people feel safe enough to lower their guard.
> Ready to start your discipleship journey? Create your free DisciplePair account and get matched with curriculum designed specifically for your relationship and stage of faith.
Setting Clear Expectations
After you've built some rapport, transition into the logistics and expectations that will shape your relationship. Cover these key areas:
Meeting Frequency and Duration
Agree on a realistic rhythm. Weekly is ideal for most discipleship relationships because it maintains momentum and provides regular accountability. Bi-weekly can work if schedules are truly prohibitive, but less frequent than that makes it hard to build depth.
Commit to a specific day and time. "Tuesdays at 7 AM" works better than "sometime Tuesday morning." Also agree on duration—60 to 90 minutes is the sweet spot for most pairs.
Communication Between Meetings
How will you stay in touch? Text for quick prayer requests? Email for longer reflections? Set expectations now so neither person feels ghosted or overwhelmed.
Some mentors prefer minimal contact between meetings to respect boundaries. Others thrive on daily check-ins. Neither is right or wrong, but mismatched expectations create friction.
Homework and Preparation
Will you expect preparation before each meeting? Many effective discipleship relationships involve completing a study, reading Scripture, or reflecting on questions beforehand.
Be realistic. A busy parent of three young kids has different capacity than a single college student. Tailor expectations to actual life circumstances, not ideals.
Confidentiality and Trust
Make it explicit: what's shared in your meetings stays between you, with appropriate exceptions for abuse, harm to self or others, or illegal activity. This creates the safety needed for honest conversations about sin, doubt, and struggle.
Duration and Re-evaluation
Many discipleship relationships benefit from committing to a specific timeframe—maybe 12 weeks or 6 months—after which you'll evaluate whether to continue. This removes the awkwardness of wondering if the relationship is "forever" and gives natural checkpoints for honest assessment.
Essential Conversation Starters
Use these questions to understand your disciple's spiritual journey and current needs:
Tell me about your faith story. How did you come to know Jesus? This reveals so much about their foundation, theology, and current relationship with God.
What does your spiritual life look like right now? Are they reading Scripture regularly? Praying? Connected to community? Serving? This shows where they're thriving and where they need support.
What are you struggling with most in your walk with Christ? Direct and important. Their answer guides where you focus energy.
What are you hoping to get from our time together? Uncover expectations before they become assumptions.
Is there anything you're afraid to talk about? This question gives permission to name the hard topics—addiction, doubt, sexuality, anger. You won't dig into everything in meeting one, but identifying them creates a roadmap.
For more questions that spark meaningful dialogue, check out our guide to 50 discipleship conversation starters.
Choosing Your First Study Together
Your first meeting should include discussing what you'll actually study together. Here are frameworks that work well for different situations:
New believers: Start with the basics of the gospel, assurance of salvation, and foundational spiritual disciplines. A track through core Christian beliefs helps establish a biblical worldview.
Struggling with sin patterns: Choose curriculum that addresses their specific battle—sexual purity, anger, anxiety, addiction—while rooting it in gospel truth, not just behavior modification.
Ready to go deeper: Systematic theology, book-by-book Bible studies, or topical studies on prayer, evangelism, or spiritual gifts help mature believers continue growing.
Relationship-specific: Father-son, married couples, or recovery pairs benefit from curriculum tailored to their unique dynamic.
Don't just pick what you've done before or what's popular. Choose what fits this specific person in this specific season. For help selecting the right track, our guide to effective discipleship includes a curriculum selection framework.
Red Flags to Watch For
While most first meetings go well, watch for these warning signs:
Lack of commitment. If they're already hedging about whether they can meet regularly, that's usually a sign this isn't the right season for them.
Unteachability. The person who argues with every point or needs to demonstrate their knowledge isn't ready to be discipled.
Looking for therapy. Discipleship can be deeply healing, but it's not professional counseling. If someone needs trauma therapy or treatment for mental health conditions, help them find appropriate professional help.
Refusal to be known. Some level of guardedness is normal in a first meeting, but if someone is completely closed off and unwilling to share anything personal, discipleship will be nearly impossible.
These aren't deal-breakers necessarily, but they warrant honest conversation about whether this is the right fit.
Ending the Meeting Well
As you wrap up your first time together, make sure you've accomplished these key tasks:
Scheduled your next meeting. Don't leave without date and time confirmed on both calendars.
Agreed on any preparation. If you want them to read something or reflect on questions before next time, be specific.
Prayed together. This isn't optional. Praying together acknowledges your dependence on God and invites Him into this relationship from the very beginning. Keep it simple—thank God for bringing you together and ask for His guidance as you begin.
Clarified how to reach each other. Exchange phone numbers if you haven't already. Send a follow-up text after the meeting to confirm next steps.
After the Meeting: Follow-Up Steps
Within 24 hours, send a brief message thanking them for their time and reconfirming your next meeting. If you promised to send resources, do it promptly. First impressions matter, and reliability builds trust.
Take time to pray and reflect. What did you learn about this person? What surprised you? What concerns do you have? Where do you sense God leading this relationship?
If you're the mentor, consider sending a short article or video that relates to something you discussed. This shows you were listening and care about their growth beyond your meeting times.
Common First-Meeting Mistakes to Avoid
Trying to solve everything immediately. You're building a relationship, not fixing a problem in one session. Resist the urge to give a seminary lecture or prescribe seventeen action steps.
Being too formal. Yes, this is intentional spiritual investment, but it shouldn't feel like a job interview. Relax. Laugh. Be human.
Skipping the personal connection. Don't jump straight into theological questions. Get to know the actual person.
Making assumptions about their background. Don't assume they know basic biblical concepts, Christian terminology, or even how to pray out loud. Meet them where they are.
Failing to address logistics. Enthusiasm doesn't sustain a relationship—clear rhythms and expectations do.
When the First Meeting Doesn't Go Well
Sometimes despite your best preparation, the first meeting feels awkward or reveals that you're not a good fit. That's okay. Not every potential discipleship relationship is meant to be.
If you sense misalignment in expectations, life stage, availability, or personality, have an honest conversation. It's better to address it after meeting one than to limp through months of frustration.
Ending a discipleship relationship before it really starts isn't failure—it's wisdom. Help the person find a better fit if you can, and trust that God has other ways He'll shape both of you.
Looking Ahead: Building on This Foundation
Your first discipleship meeting is just the beginning. Over the coming weeks and months, you'll build on this foundation with consistent meetings, honest conversations, Scripture study, prayer, and mutual encouragement.
The awkwardness you might feel now will give way to comfortable rhythms. The uncertainty about whether you can really help someone grow will be answered as you watch God work through your faithfulness. The questions you're wrestling with will lead to deeper understanding for both of you.
Discipleship is messy, slow, and requires more patience than our instant-gratification culture prepares us for. But it's also one of the most rewarding investments you'll ever make. The first meeting is where that investment begins.
Start Your Discipleship Journey Today
You don't have to figure all this out alone. DisciplePair provides structured curriculum, progress tracking, and practical tools to help discipleship relationships thrive from the very first meeting.
Whether you're a first-time mentor feeling in over your head or someone hungry to be discipled but unsure how to find the right person, we're here to help. Our platform guides you through every stage—from that crucial first conversation to celebrating completed curriculum tracks together.
Create your free account and discover how intentional structure and the right resources can transform your discipleship relationships. The person God is calling you to disciple might be one meeting away.