Women's Discipleship: Finding and Being a Godly Mentor
When I was a young mom with two kids under three, I was drowning.
My days were a blur of diapers, tantrums, and exhaustion. My marriage felt neglected. My quiet times had become non-existent. And I felt guilty about all of it.
Then a woman named Janet -- whose kids were grown and whose faith I admired -- invited me to lunch. She didn't offer advice or judgment. She just listened. And then she shared her own story -- including the seasons where she'd felt exactly what I was feeling.
That lunch turned into a regular rhythm. Janet became my mentor. She wasn't a professional counselor or famous author. She was just a few steps ahead on the same road, willing to turn around and offer a hand.
Every woman needs a Janet. And every woman, at some point, can become one.
What Titus 2 Actually Says
In Titus 2:3-5, Paul gives specific instructions about women in the church. Older women are to "train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands."
This passage often gets reduced to a checklist of "biblical womanhood." But notice what it actually describes: relationship. Older women training younger women. Life-on-life investment. Wisdom passed down through personal connection.
This isn't about attending a class or reading a book. It's about an older woman who walks alongside a younger one -- sharing wisdom, modeling faith, speaking truth in love.
Why Women Need Women
There are things only another woman fully understands.
The complexity of female friendship and the pain of relational wounds. The physical and emotional realities of womanhood in different seasons. The unique challenges of being a wife or mother. The pressure to perform perfectly at work, home, church, and everywhere else.
Men can offer valuable perspective. But there's something irreplaceable about a woman who's navigated the waters you're in and can say, "I've been there. Here's what I learned."
Beyond that, Titus 2 makes it clear that this kind of mentoring is part of God's design for the church. It's not optional for those who have the maturity to offer.
What Does This Look Like Practically?
The Titus 2 passage gives a curriculum of sorts:
Loving husbands. Marriage is hard work. Young wives need older women who've loved husbands through difficult seasons -- not perfect marriages, but real ones.
Loving children. Parenting can feel overwhelming. Young mothers need encouragement, wisdom for hard stages, and perspective that the exhausting years are also precious.
Self-control. In a world of excess -- emotional, digital, material -- self-control is countercultural. It applies to words, spending, time, and emotional reactions.
Purity. This isn't just for singles. It's a lifelong pursuit involving thought life, entertainment choices, emotional boundaries, and faithfulness.
Working at home. This isn't about banning careers. It's about prioritizing home -- creating a place of peace, order, and welcome. Whether or not you work outside the home, home matters.
Kindness. In a world of snark and criticism, kindness stands out. It's a fruit of the Spirit that must be cultivated.
Submission. Perhaps the most culturally contested point. But the passage doesn't mean doormat-status. It describes the ordering of the marriage relationship as a reflection of Christ and the church (Ephesians 5). This requires careful, biblical teaching -- not cultural accommodation.
How to Find a Mentor
If you're looking for an older woman to invest in you:
Observe before asking. Watch how she treats her husband, talks to her children, handles stress. Mentoring is caught as much as taught. Make sure she's someone worth imitating.
Look nearby. You don't need a famous author. You need a faithful woman in your church or community who has a few years and seasons ahead of you.
Ask with humility. Approach her: "I've really admired how you [specific thing]. I'm in a season where I could use wisdom in that area. Would you be willing to meet with me occasionally?" Most older women are honored to be asked.
Be teachable. If she agrees, come ready to learn. Don't be defensive when she speaks hard truth. Ask questions. Follow through on what she suggests.
How to Be a Mentor
If you're the older woman in this equation:
Say yes. When a younger woman asks for your time, consider it a sacred invitation. Your experience matters. Your wisdom is needed.
Share your real story. Including the failures, struggles, and seasons of doubt. Authenticity opens doors that polish never could.
Listen before advising. Ask questions. Understand her context before offering direction. Sometimes presence is the gift before prescription.
Point to Scripture. Don't just share opinions. Open the Bible together. Show her what God says about the issues she's facing. Your experience validates your wisdom; Scripture authorizes it.
Pray faithfully. For her between meetings. With her when you're together. Some of the most powerful moments in mentoring happen during prayer.
A Simple Meeting Structure
Here's a 60-90 minute format:
Connection (15 min): How are you really? What's been hard? What's been good?
Accountability (10 min): How did last week's commitments go? Where did you struggle?
Scripture (20-30 min): Study a passage together. Walk through what it means and how it applies.
Application (10 min): What's one specific thing you'll do differently this week?
Prayer (15 min): Pray for her family, her challenges, her growth.
Adapting to Different Seasons
The focus of mentoring shifts depending on life stage:
For single women: Purity and patience. Identity in Christ rather than relationship status. Using singleness for God's purposes.
For engaged or newlywed women: Expectations for marriage. Communication. Submission and mutual sacrifice. Building a Christ-centered home.
For young mothers: Surviving (and savoring) the exhausting years. Discipling children. Maintaining marriage. Managing guilt and comparison.
For women in midlife: The empty nest transition. Caring for aging parents. Rediscovering purpose. Becoming a mentor to others.
For any season: Prayer. Anxiety and fear. Body image. Female friendships. Rest.
The Ripple Effect
When women invest in other women, the effects multiply.
Families are strengthened as wives and mothers grow. Churches become healthier as women contribute wisdom, stability, and service. Culture shifts as godly women shape homes, workplaces, and communities. And generations are reached as one woman disciples another, who disciples her daughters, who disciple theirs.
Janet wasn't just helping me survive toddlerhood. She was shaping how I would eventually mentor my own daughters and the younger women who would someday need me to turn around and offer a hand.
If you're a younger woman, don't wait for someone to approach you. Identify an older woman you respect and ask her to invest in your life.
If you're an older woman, your experience isn't behind you -- it's for someone else. Find a younger woman and offer what you've learned.
The world tells women to compete. The gospel calls us to pour into each other.
If you want structure for mentoring, DisciplePair offers a Biblical Womanhood curriculum with sessions on identity, marriage, motherhood, friendship, and more.