Remote Discipleship: How to Disciple Someone Online

When Marcus moved to Seattle for work, I was devastated.

For two years, we'd met every Thursday morning at the same Panera. We'd worked through Romans together, confessed our struggles with lust and anger, prayed for our marriages, and held each other accountable in ways I'd never experienced before. Marcus knew things about me that my wife didn't even know.

Then his company transferred him 2,500 miles away.

"I guess that's it," I told him over our last in-person coffee. "We had a good run."

Marcus looked at me like I was crazy. "What are you talking about? We're not stopping. We're just moving to Zoom."

I was skeptical. Could a screen really replicate what we had? Could you confess sin to a rectangle of pixels?

That was three years ago. We haven't missed a Thursday since -- except for the weeks one of us was on vacation. And here's what I've learned: remote discipleship isn't the same as in-person. But it's not worse. It's just different.

If you're wondering whether meaningful discipleship can happen over video calls, phone, and messaging, the answer is yes. I'm living proof.

Why Distance Discipleship Actually Works

Paul discipled churches he'd never visited through letters. He poured his heart into Romans, Corinthians, and Ephesians without sitting in the room while they were read. Distance discipleship has deep biblical precedent.

But here's the modern reality: when you commit to showing up consistently, the medium matters less than you'd think.

Remote discipleship works when you:

Prioritize consistency -- showing up matters more than the medium
Prepare intentionally -- compensate for lost spontaneity with structure
Create space for depth -- don't let the screen become a barrier to vulnerability
Leverage the tools well -- use technology as a bridge, not a wall

Paul discipled churches he'd never met through letters. He poured his heart into Romans, Corinthians, and Ephesians without ever sitting in the room while they were read. Distance discipleship has deep biblical precedent.

Best Tools for Remote Discipleship

Video Calls (Best for Primary Meetings)

Recommended: Zoom, Google Meet, FaceTime

Video is closest to in-person. You can see facial expressions, read body language, and make eye contact. It's ideal for weekly meetings.

Tips:

Use a stable internet connection
Position your camera at eye level
Look at the camera, not the screen, to simulate eye contact
Use headphones for better audio
Minimize distractions (turn off notifications, find a quiet space)

Phone Calls (Great for Quick Check-Ins)

Sometimes video fatigue is real. A simple phone call can be more intimate -- you're in their ear, no pressure to look presentable, easy to take while walking.

Best for:

Mid-week check-ins
Prayer calls
Quick accountability touchpoints

Messaging (Supplement, Not Substitute)

Recommended: Text, WhatsApp, Marco Polo

Messaging keeps the relationship alive between meetings. Send encouraging texts, share Scripture, ask how their week is going.

Warning: Messaging can't replace face-to-face (or screen-to-screen) conversation. It supplements; it doesn't substitute.

DisciplePair (All-in-One)

DisciplePair is built for remote discipleship. Use it to:

Follow a curriculum together
Log check-ins after meetings
Share prayer requests in a private journal
Get automated reminders to stay consistent

Whether you meet on Zoom, by phone, or in person, DisciplePair provides the structure.

How to Structure a Remote Discipleship Meeting

The structure doesn't change much from in-person. Here's a 60-minute video call framework:

1. Connection (10 min)

How are you really doing? What's been the highlight and lowlight of your week?

Start with relationship. Don't rush into content. This warmth compensates for the distance.

2. Accountability (10 min)

How did last week's application go? Did you follow through on your commitment? Where did you struggle?

Be specific. "How was your week?" is too vague. "Did you have that conversation with your wife like you planned?" gets to the heart of it.

3. Scripture Study (20 min)

Read the passage together -- you can share your screen, use the same Bible app, or just read aloud.

Discuss: What stood out? What does it mean? How does it apply?

4. Application (10 min)

What's one specific thing you're going to do differently this week? Write it down. You'll ask about it next time.

5. Prayer (10 min)

Pray together. Out loud. This is often the most powerful part. Don't skip it because you're on a screen.

Tips for Depth in Remote Relationships

1. Lean Into Vulnerability First

On a screen, it's easy to stay surface-level. Combat this by being vulnerable yourself. Share your own struggles. Create permission for them to do the same.

2. Ask Follow-Up Questions

It's easier to nod along on video without really engaging. Push deeper with follow-ups:

"Tell me more about that."
"How did that make you feel?"
"What do you think God might be teaching you through this?"

3. Maintain Eye Contact (Camera Contact)

Looking at the camera -- not the screen -- simulates eye contact. It feels unnatural, but it makes a big difference in connection.

4. Eliminate Distractions

Turn off notifications. Close other tabs. Be fully present. If you're half-distracted, they'll feel it.

5. Over-Communicate Care

In person, a smile or a touch on the shoulder communicates warmth. On screen, you have to verbalize it more: "I'm really glad we're doing this." "I appreciate you being honest about that."

6. Send Between-Meeting Encouragement

A quick text mid-week -- "Praying for your meeting today" or "Thinking about what you shared last week" -- maintains connection and shows you care beyond the scheduled time.

Overcoming Common Remote Challenges

Challenge: "It Feels Awkward"

Solution: Acknowledge it. Say, "I know video calls can feel weird, but I'm really glad we're doing this." Naming the awkwardness often dissolves it.

Give it time. The first few calls may feel stilted. By the fourth or fifth, you'll find a rhythm.

Challenge: "Technology Issues"

Solution: Have a backup plan. If Zoom crashes, switch to phone. If video is laggy, turn off cameras. Don't let tech problems derail the relationship.

Challenge: "We Keep Rescheduling"

Solution: Treat the meeting like an in-person commitment. Put it on the calendar. Protect it. If you have to reschedule, do it immediately.

Apps like DisciplePair send automatic reminders, which helps.

Challenge: "I Don't Feel Like We're Really Connecting"

Solution: Try mixing up the format. Do a phone call while walking. Use Marco Polo for asynchronous video messages. Occasionally, if possible, meet in person -- even once a quarter can deepen the relationship.

Also, give yourself grace. Deep connection takes time, regardless of medium.

Challenge: "Time Zones Make It Hard"

Solution: Find a time that works, even if it's inconvenient. Early morning for one person, evening for another. If you both value the relationship, you'll make it work.

Or try asynchronous tools -- Marco Polo lets you exchange video messages on your own schedules.

When Remote Discipleship Works Best

Remote discipleship is ideal when:

Distance makes in-person impossible -- different cities, countries, or continents
Schedules are complex -- traveling jobs, shift work, caregiving
Following up with someone who moved -- staying connected after relocation
Pairing people across churches -- connecting someone with a mentor they otherwise couldn't access
Extending discipleship capacity -- churches can pair people beyond their immediate location

When In-Person Is Better

If you can meet in person, do it. There's no substitute for:

Sharing a meal together
Walking and talking
The full presence of another human
Spontaneous moments that can't happen on a screen

Remote discipleship is powerful -- but in-person is still the gold standard when it's possible.

A Hybrid Approach

Many discipleship relationships blend both:

Weekly video calls for structured meetings
Occasional in-person time when schedules or travel allow
Text/messaging for between-meeting connection
Phone calls for quick accountability or prayer

Use every tool available. The relationship is what matters; the medium is just the channel.

How DisciplePair Supports Remote Discipleship

We built DisciplePair for discipleship relationships -- in-person or remote.

What you get:

Curriculum you can follow together on any screen
Shared prayer journal that syncs between you
Check-in tracking to maintain consistency
Automatic reminders so meetings don't slip
Progress tracking and milestones

You can be on different continents and still walk through Scripture together, hold each other accountable, and see your shared journey unfold.

Start your first remote pair -- it's free.

Start Today

Distance is no longer an excuse.

If there's someone you want to disciple -- or someone you wish could mentor you -- reach out. Propose a weekly video call. Use a tool like DisciplePair to provide structure.

The connection won't be perfect. But it will be real.

And real is what disciples need.