How to Pray Together in Discipleship: A Practical Guide
That first moment when you're supposed to pray together can feel like jumping off a high dive. You're sitting across from someone, heads bowed, and suddenly you're supposed to talk to God out loud while another human being listens.
Your palms sweat. Your mind blanks. You wonder if you should sound more spiritual, use different words, or pray longer than feels natural.
Here's the truth: nearly everyone feels this way at first. Even seasoned Christians who've prayed alone for decades can feel awkward praying with someone else. But learning how to pray together is one of the most powerful spiritual disciplines in discipleship. It transforms both people in ways individual prayer simply can't.
Jesus promised, "For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them" (Matthew 18:20). There's something uniquely powerful about praying together—and once you push through the initial discomfort, it becomes one of the richest parts of your discipleship relationship.
Why Praying Together Feels Awkward (And Why That's Normal)
Before we dive into practical techniques, let's acknowledge why this feels uncomfortable:
Prayer is deeply personal. When you pray alone, you're vulnerable before God but protected by privacy. Praying with someone else means being spiritually naked in front of another person. They hear your doubts, your struggles, your real heart—not the polished version you present to the world.
We fear sounding foolish. Will I use the right words? Should I pray longer? Do I sound too casual or too formal? These performance anxieties have nothing to do with prayer itself and everything to do with self-consciousness.
Different prayer backgrounds create uncertainty. If you grew up in a liturgical tradition and your partner prays spontaneously, or vice versa, you might not know what's "normal." Add in differences around praying in tongues, silent contemplation, or structured prayers, and confusion multiplies.
We're out of practice. Many Christians simply haven't prayed aloud with others regularly. Like any skill, it feels clunky at first.
The good news? All of this diminishes with practice. That initial awkwardness is a gateway, not a wall. Push through it, and you'll discover spiritual intimacy that strengthens both your relationship with God and with your discipleship partner.
The Biblical Foundation for Praying Together
Scripture consistently emphasizes corporate prayer as essential to Christian life:
Matthew 18:19-20 – Jesus explicitly connects agreement in prayer with His presence. When two believers pray together, they access spiritual power unavailable to solo prayer.
Acts 1:14 – The early church was "constantly united in prayer." Praying together wasn't an occasional practice but a defining characteristic of Christian community.
James 5:16 – "Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective." Notice the sequence: confession creates vulnerability, prayer creates healing.
Ephesians 6:18 – Paul urges believers to "pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord's people." Prayer is both individual ("all occasions") and communal ("for all the Lord's people").
When you learn how to disciple someone, prayer isn't an add-on—it's the engine that powers everything else. Bible study without prayer becomes academic. Accountability without prayer becomes legalistic. Encouragement without prayer becomes mere motivational speaking.
> Ready to build deeper spiritual relationships? Join DisciplePair and start a discipleship journey rooted in prayer, Scripture, and authentic community. Start your free trial today.
Five Practical Ways to Start Praying Together
If you're new to praying with your discipleship partner, these approaches remove much of the awkwardness:
1. Start With Sentence Prayers
Instead of expecting long, eloquent prayers, begin with single-sentence prayers that bounce back and forth:
You: "God, thank you for bringing us together today."
Partner: "Help us to be honest and open with each other."
You: "Give us wisdom as we study your Word."
Partner: "We trust you with the struggles we're facing."
This pattern feels more like a conversation than a performance. Neither person carries the full weight of prayer. You can go around twice or ten times—whatever feels natural. The simplicity removes pressure while building comfort with praying aloud.
2. Use a Prayer Framework
Structure eliminates the "what do I say?" panic. Try the ACTS model:
- Adoration – Praise God for who He is
- Confession – Acknowledge specific sins
- Thanksgiving – Thank God for what He's done
- Supplication – Make requests for yourself and others
Take one category each. You handle adoration and thanksgiving; your partner handles confession and supplication. Or pray through all four together, sentence-prayer style. The framework ensures you cover essential prayer elements without wandering aimlessly.
Another helpful structure is praying through Scripture. Pick a Psalm and turn it into prayer, line by line. Psalm 23, for instance, becomes: "God, you really are our shepherd—we lack nothing because of you. You give us rest when we're weary. You restore our souls when we're depleted..."
3. Pray Scripture Back to God
This removes any pressure to "come up with" eloquent words. You're simply speaking God's words back to Him:
From Philippians 4:6-7:
"God, you tell us not to be anxious about anything. So we bring you our worries about [specific situations]. We ask for your peace that surpasses understanding to guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."
From Colossians 1:9-10:
"We ask you to fill us with the knowledge of your will through all spiritual wisdom. Help us live lives worthy of you, pleasing you in every way, bearing fruit in every good work."
This approach teaches you to pray biblically while building confidence. You're not performing; you're agreeing with Scripture.
4. Keep a Shared Prayer List
Many discipleship relationships falter in prayer because they can't remember what to pray about. Solve this by keeping a simple list—on paper, in a shared note app, or in your discipleship tracking system.
Write down:
- Ongoing prayer requests for each person
- Specific situations needing wisdom
- People you're praying for (family, coworkers, neighbors)
- Spiritual growth areas you're focusing on
When you meet, review the list and pray through items together. As prayers are answered, mark them—this builds faith as you see God's faithfulness over time.
5. End Meetings With Conversational Prayer
Don't save prayer for the end as an afterthought. But do make ending with prayer a non-negotiable habit. After you've talked, studied, and shared, transition naturally:
"So it sounds like you're really wrestling with [issue]. Can we bring that to God right now?"
Then pray conversationally. Not "Dear Heavenly Father, we come before Your throne of grace..." Just talk to God like He's in the room (because He is): "God, you heard what Sarah just shared about her job situation. She's feeling overlooked and frustrated. Would you give her clarity about whether to stay or go? And in the meantime, help her honor you even when it's hard."
This feels less like a ritual and more like including God in your conversation—which is exactly what prayer is.
Navigating Different Prayer Styles
What happens when your prayer style differs dramatically from your partner's?
Spontaneous vs. Written Prayers
If you prefer praying extemporaneously but your partner finds security in written prayers (like liturgical prayers or prayer books), don't view this as right vs. wrong. Alternate. Some weeks you lead with spontaneous prayer; other weeks, your partner selects a written prayer to pray together. You'll both grow.
Short vs. Long Prayers
Some people pour out their hearts in ten-minute prayers. Others speak concisely and feel finished in two minutes. Neither is more spiritual. If you're naturally brief, don't artificially inflate your prayers. If you're naturally verbose, don't feel rushed. But be sensitive—if your partner is clearly uncomfortable with silence or length, adjust for their sake (Philippians 2:3-4).
Silent Contemplation vs. Verbal Prayer
Some Christians practice contemplative prayer with long periods of silence. Others find silence awkward and prefer continuous verbal prayer. Discuss this openly: "I'd like to try spending a few minutes in silent prayer, just listening to God. Are you comfortable with that?" Or: "Silent prayer is hard for me—can we pray aloud together instead?"
Praying in Tongues
This can be sensitive. If you believe in and practice praying in tongues but your partner doesn't, have an honest conversation: "I sometimes pray in tongues during personal prayer. I won't do that during our shared time if it makes you uncomfortable, but I wanted you to know it's part of my prayer life." Mutual respect and clarity prevent misunderstanding.
The key is communication. Don't assume your way is the only way. Ask questions. Try your partner's approach. You might discover practices that enrich your own prayer life.
Overcoming Specific Prayer Challenges
"I don't know what to pray about"
Start with what you just discussed. If you spent thirty minutes talking about your partner's struggling marriage, pray about that. If you studied a passage about God's faithfulness, thank Him for specific ways He's been faithful. Prayer should naturally flow from your conversation and study.
"I feel like I'm repeating myself"
You probably are—and that's fine. Jesus told a parable about persistent prayer (Luke 18:1-8). Bringing the same request before God repeatedly isn't vain repetition; it's faithful intercession. As long as the need exists, keep praying.
"My partner prays really eloquent prayers and I feel inadequate"
God isn't grading your vocabulary. He's listening to your heart. The tax collector's simple prayer—"God, have mercy on me, a sinner"—was more acceptable than the Pharisee's impressive prayer (Luke 18:9-14). Stop comparing. God delights in your honest, clunky prayers more than He's impressed by polished religious language.
"We get distracted or lose focus"
Praying with eyes closed helps some people focus; others find it easier to pray with eyes open, looking at their prayer list or Bible. If your mind wanders, don't panic—just redirect. "Sorry, I got distracted. Let me finish that thought: God, help John with his anxiety about the job interview."
"Prayer feels like a formality we rush through"
This happens when you treat prayer as the bookend to the "real" meeting. Flip the script: make prayer the centerpiece. Start with it. Interrupt discussions to pray when something heavy comes up. Let prayer shape your agenda rather than squeezing it in at the end.
Building a Pattern of Prayer Partnership
As your discipleship relationship matures, prayer should deepen alongside it. Here's what that progression often looks like:
Early stages: You pray at the end of meetings, briefly, about surface-level things.
Growing comfort: You begin praying at the start and end. You mention personal struggles. Prayers lengthen naturally as you grow more comfortable.
Spiritual intimacy: You pray spontaneously throughout your time together. When someone shares a burden, you stop and pray immediately. You confess sins to each other and pray for healing (James 5:16). You celebrate answered prayers together.
Deep partnership: You reach out between meetings to say, "I was praying for you this morning and sensed you needed encouragement." You text prayer requests. Prayer isn't confined to your scheduled times—it's woven into the fabric of your friendship.
This doesn't happen overnight. It's a gradual building of trust and vulnerability. But the destination is worth the journey.
The Transformative Power of Praying Together
When you commit to praying together regularly—really praying, not just performing a religious ritual—it changes both of you:
It builds spiritual intimacy. You can't pretend to be more put-together than you are when you're pouring out your heart to God in front of someone. Shared prayer strips away pretense.
It creates accountability. When you pray about a sin you're battling, you're more motivated to fight it. When you ask God for help with a specific goal, you know your partner will follow up.
It increases faith. Seeing God answer prayers you prayed together builds your confidence in His faithfulness. You become witnesses to each other's spiritual journey.
It aligns your hearts. Praying together tunes you into the same spiritual frequency. You start seeing situations through a kingdom lens rather than a worldly one.
It invites God's presence. Remember Jesus's promise: "Where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them" (Matthew 18:20). When you pray together, you access spiritual power unavailable in isolation.
Your Next Step
If you've been avoiding praying together because of awkwardness, make today the day you push through. At your next meeting, simply say: "I know praying together might feel a little awkward, but I really want us to try. Can we start with just one sentence each, thanking God for something?"
That's it. One sentence. You'll survive. And the next time will be easier.
If you've been praying together but it feels stale, try a new approach from this article. Use a different prayer structure. Pray Scripture. Keep a shared prayer list. Experiment until you find rhythms that feel life-giving rather than dutiful.
Prayer isn't a box to check in your discipleship relationship—it's the conversation that makes everything else meaningful. The awkwardness fades. The spiritual intimacy grows. And both of you become more like Jesus in the process.
Ready to Start Your Discipleship Journey?
DisciplePair makes it easy to track your prayer requests, share spiritual growth, and build the kind of discipleship relationship that transforms both people. Whether you're mentoring someone or looking for a mentor, our platform helps you focus on what matters: growing deeper in faith together.
Start your free trial today and discover how intentional discipleship—rooted in prayer, Scripture, and authentic community—can change your spiritual life.